


Jim's Letter

by bonesbuckleup



Series: ad astra [2]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Letter, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-24
Updated: 2013-08-24
Packaged: 2017-12-24 11:13:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/939313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bonesbuckleup/pseuds/bonesbuckleup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the end, Leonard had about a month to prepare himself.</p>
<p>In the end, that month meant nothing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jim's Letter

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't how this whole AU ends don't worry!
> 
> It was just an idea that wouldn't leave me alone - what if Jim accepted one last mission?

In the end, Leonard had about a month to prepare himself.

In the end, that month meant nothing.

Captain James Tiberius Kirk left the marines at 27.

He then went back on active duty for one last mission as a favour to Colonel Christopher Pike.

Captain James Tiberius Kirk would die on that last mission, and he would save all of the men under his command by doing so.

Leonard Horatio McCoy would be told on a Thursday afternoon, at 3:43pm.

Jim’s letter would arrive Friday morning at 8:26am.

It would take Leonard two days to finally open the letter, half an hour before he went to Jim’s funeral.

 

_Bones,_

_I really hope you never have to read this. I don’t mean that in a ‘my grammar is dreadful’ kind of way, I mean that in way that I’m selfish, and if you’re reading this it means I’m not going to be around anymore, and there was never anything I wanted less._

_I’ve never written a letter to someone before; never had someone to write a letter too really, so you’re going to have to forgive me if this is a piss poor example of one. But this is the fifth piece of paper I’ve used, so I don’t think it’s gonna get much better than this._

_I wrote this letter six months after I met you, Bones. It’s a Tuesday and Nyota dragged you out of the house an hour ago to go shopping._

_I never had one of these written up before, I knew guys who would spend whole nights at the table – or the closest thing we had to a table – writing and rewriting their letters, and I could never understand why. It’s just a letter right? What’s it going to say that won’t already be covered in the official reports?_

_I get why they did it now, Bones, and I really wish I didn’t._

_This letter is an apology, Bones._

_Because I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry._

_I promised I wouldn’t leave you alone, and if this letter has reached you, it means I’ve broken that promise, and there is nothing I can say that will make that okay. But you need to believe me when I tell you that it was the last thing I wanted, Bones. I don’t know what lead to this letter reaching you, because any thoughts I had of going back on active duty, going out on missions? That vanished when I met you._

_I wanted to be with you, I wanted to spend the rest of my life waking up to your face._

_I’m just sorry that the rest of my life didn’t turn out to be as long as I was hoping it would be._

_But I’m also writing this letter because I need you to know that you’ve got to carry on, Bones._

_I know I don’t have the right to ask that of you, not after I’ve left you like this, but I need you to carry on. You’re the strongest man I know, I don’t think you realize it Bones, but you’ve been through a fucking war. You’re a God damned hero for still being able to stand after everything you’ve been through, and I’ll be damned if you let that all go to waste just because I fucked up._

_I doubt I’m going to the same place as Jocelyn or Joanna, but if I end up there (even God makes mistakes, I mean, have you tried tofu burgers? Guy fucked up big time there) I’ll be sure to let them know how you’re doing. I’ll let Joanna know how fucking brave her daddy was, and how he never once forgot about his baby girl._

_I’ll tell her that anything good about me, came from you, Bones._

_I just wish I told you that when I had the chance._

_I’m sorry, Bones. I don’t know what to say to you, there’s too much and not enough and I can’t fit it all on these shitty pieces of paper._

_I guess the only thing there really is to say is that I love you, Bones, and there aren’t words to explain how grateful I am that you let me into your life. You truly were the best thing to ever happen to me._

_You once called me a supernova._

_But I’m nothing compared to you._

_Jim._


End file.
